Wednesday, May 23, 2012

S & M


Sean and Moiselle. 

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Today I was reminded of how special love is.

Corny? Yes. 

But real?

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It is!


This is true, young love. 

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When Paul and I first moved in together,
 It was just as I had always imagined it would be. 


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The love of your life being the first and last thing you see each day. 

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Watching him sleep. 

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Ten years later, its really easy to forget those feelings of excitement 
and the feelings true, young love--- the kind that comes in its purest form..
what that gives you.


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These two brought that back to me. 

Their love and humor. 
The way they are totally  in-sync and compliment one another perfectly. 

It was the purest kind of love.

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Its the kind that.. 

.... gives you butterflies.
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The kind that is ...

.... strong enough to last forever. 
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The kind that ....

.... every person should find. 
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These two, and this session.. is 

 absolutely swoon worthy!
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Thursday, May 17, 2012

.. when I grow up!


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Since I was little, I can remember precisely what I wanted to be when I grew up. 

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And any chance I was given to pretend I was just that.. 

That I was a real " grown-up " with my own house. My own curtains. 
My own kitchen sink and walls I could decorate however I wanted.. 

I would pretend.. 

I would make believe that I was a wife and a Mom. 

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My dolls would be dressed and named real life baby names I imagined I  would someday name my real life babies. 

" Kirra" and " Kate " didn't make my list years later.. 

But my real life is way better then the one I would imagine as a child. 


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Sometimes I think back to when it was just me and Paul. 

When we were able to sleep naked and as late as we wanted. 

When driving to Palm Springs for a night getaway didn't involve taking half the house because 
'you never know what might happen! ' 

When dinners were quiet and our house was sparkling clean and as close to perfect as possible. 

When we couldn't wait to be called " Mommy" and " Daddy" and the endless conversations we would have on " what if's " and " what about this name " and " someday.. " 


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Turning 28 this year, I feel like the closer to thirty I get.. the more in tune I am becoming with my body and soul. Linking both so that my whole world just flows. The people around me have been specifically chosen and placed for very specific reasons, and all of my dreams and thoughts of " someday.." are falling right into their designated place. 

When I read " pregnant " for the first time, I knew it was going to be the first of many changes to come. I knew it would bring change and evolve our lives into something great. Into something bigger. 
Into something we had endless conversations about. 

But you don't know ... your imagination can't bring you even close  to the feeling you get when your eyes lock with your creation for the very first time. 

Or watching your babies heart beat.. the one you grew. Watching it closely night after night .. and seeing their chest rise and fall with each beautiful, sweet breath. 

Although our house isn't sparkling because the tile floor isn't white, and half the time you can't see the hardwood floors because of the toys and endless amounts of crap that lay over them... 

Today our house is sparkling because its lived in. 
Because memories are in the making and babies are being molded and perfectly formed into the people who are responsible for turning our stomaches when they get too close to an edge.. 
and make us want to scream because its the 'too many times to count' that Savannah's been in the dogfood. 

Yes. Our house is jumping on its legs with deep belly laughs and the smell of something yummy thats for sure going to put more cellulite on your legs. 

"Mommy " and "Daddy" are everyday, constant words being used.. and its music to our ears every time they are heard. 

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 Yes, somedays are better then others. 

Somedays Savannah has decided to not color on the walls or dump baby powder everywhere. And when the two don't happen in the same day.. then sometimes, thats even better. 

But on the days it does happen. 

On the days that are trying and testing. When I feel like I'm one more argument over the caterpillar book - away from having a complete nervous breakdown... 

On the days that I just need a minute of peace and quiet.. 

Its those days I must.. 

no!

I need to remind myself .. 


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that this is all I have ever wanted. 

That I use to " pretend " to be right where I am. 

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my Mothers Day breakfast! Its a favorite. Biscuits, gravy, sausage, and lots of hotsauce =) 
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" Kirra " and " Kate " are now.. 


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 real life, Savannah... 
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and Cole. 


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And one day, I'm going to look back and see this and wish I was here again. 

Wishing I was pulling Tonka out of the dogfood and being the referee between a brother and sister. 

Wishing I was scrambling eggs for breakfast while watching Savannah rub her morning eyes and suck her pacifier like its to a steady beat of song!

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Wishing I was wiping tear-filled eyes because they didn't get their way.. 

and trying to explain why....  a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl!

Wishing I was sitting in the park watching my babies take in all that is around them. 

he sees what I see! 
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sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of life.. we forget to just -- look up!
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The older I get, the more I am learning to appreciate the moment and realize its all short lived. 

Savannah not wanting to take her two hour nap ....
I so desperatly need to survive the rest of the day without breaking down, 
is short-lived. 
Its temporary. 
Its only a phase, and here we are, a couple weeks later and she is napping just as she should.
 Just as she always has. 

and how its so important. Its so vital that I pay attention to the little things and soak them in. 

Like the way Savannah rolls her eyes to their corners when her brother is starting to annoy her. This is the beginning of her explosive " I've had enough!" that we can always count on happening at least.. once a day!

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How Cole goes down a slide. He tries to brave. He tries to be free and go down the bright yellow whirlwind of a thing that screams to kids from the parking lot  " YOU CAN'T WAIT TO SLIDE DOWN, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN! "  .. 

He is still cautious and careful. Holding his hands out to their sides and ready to stop if he ever has too. 

And when Savannah runs to the bottom because she still hasn't learned that when someone is sliding down a slide, and your at the bottom waiting.. you can really get hurt. 

I thank him for paying attention. For paying more attention then any kid I've ever met!

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While motherhood is the most challenging of duties and roles in life. 

Its the most rewarding. 

I'm learning to present. Even if its a bad moment. 

Even if its hard. 

Because one day.. someday.. 

I'm going to look back and wish I was right where I am. 


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To my babies who have made me " Mommy" ...

You have given me the best gift. You have given me everything I've ever wished for, pretended to be when I was a baby, and hoped to have as a grown-up. I hope to make you proud. 
Our hearts are one forever! 

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Friday, May 11, 2012

28 years ... Just eat with your hands!

Although I'm incredibly happy and proud of where I am in this moment,
 I must admit that the last few months have been my most challenging yet. 

Six years ago, I would have said the same exact thing. 

These days I am envious of the life that I once had not too long ago.
Where the only responsibilities I revolved around were my babies, home, and husband. 

Maintaining friendships and the core of sisterhood easily slid into place. 



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In just a couple days, I will turn 28. 

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Most of you know that I share my birthday with my Mom's passing.

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This will be her 6th year. 

Losing her so unexpectedly rocked our world to its core. 

The responsibilities I inherited were like no other I had ever experienced before..

To look back six years ago, sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday.
Other times I feel like its been years and years and years that have passed me by.

Makeup, Perfume, and "Big Girl" things are some likes of this baby these days!
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Oh! Of course baby dolls and dress up are some other loves of her's too!
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Marriages, babies. Graduations, and birthdays. Parties and celebrations. Deaths. 

So much has happened in these six years.
 And although I feel like the time has flown,
 her voice has gone quieter.

"oh boy" is our boy a true "boy!" or what?!
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Simpler days. 

When baking, time outside, and trips to the zoo were as easy as saying " ready, set, go!" 

These days, the balls I'm juggling are, according to Paul.. " more then we asked for!" .. 

But each ball is important and valid in my life. Its each of those balls that make me valid. 

-A Wife. 
-A Mother
-A Photographer
-A Sister/Friend
-A baker, gardner, reader, person who wipes tears and is the reason for the deep belly giggles you get from being tickled. 
-A gym-goer
-A dog walker/bather/feeder/petter, launder do-er, house cleaning, plant water-er  --
girl who sometimes.. 

Just wants a nap!

I am in no way complaining, because like I remind Paul when we have those serious, "where are we at and where are we heading.. and are we really prepared for this" conversations.. its very easy to get lost in the shuffle and forget that life is short.

 Its really short.

 And its unknowing, and unpredictable. 

I never thought in a million years I would be in the postiton to pursue a hobby that has forever been a love of mine. Having the responsibility of a live-in blind Aunt and assuming that would be my long term... 

and here I am. 

Everything I've ever wanted, and more. Yet there are moments I'm stressed, frazzled, and upset that my plate is full and I can't find a fork, spoon, knife or even a shovel to get the job(s) done. 

--- sometimes.. you just gotta eat with your hands!

Get back to the basics. 

Remember the little things. Its always the "Little Things" that matter. 

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Some believe that when people die, their spirit stays with us. 
Still sharing in our happiness and the 'moving forward' parts -of -life- after losing someone you love.

moments like these scream " LIFE IS SO GOOD!"
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Trying to pull the 'good' out of the 'bad' is sometimes easier said then done.. 
but when you tragically lose someone you love, really you have no other choice. 

There is beauty in the unexpected.

There is beauty in the unknown.

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There is beauty in life after death, and losing someone you love.

And although some days are easier then others, and some moments are more difficult then most..

I know if the belief of 'spirits lingering among us' in fact is true..

She's happy for us.

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She's loving every moment of watching us love this life we've been blessed with. And that..

That is what makes life good.

Finding your way through this maze we call "life!"

Time with friends. Its a must!
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a piece of my past with a piece of my present and future. 
A moment that will forever be etched in my heart!
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These girls I've known since I was five years old. 
There was a period of time that we weren't involved in eachother's lives..
 and has that changed drastically! 
I guess the older you get, the more you learn to appreciate friends. 
These are like are family! 
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"Working " these days, has made things around here a little challenging.

"She's working!" 
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Finding balance in the madness of deadlines, dinner time, and keeping priorities a priority....

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, 
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. -Marcel ProustIMG_1499

Its easy to tell myself that there are things I can be doing that will push me forward in this business I'm so desperate to find success in..

But what's more important then anything else in this whole, crazy, big world of mine..

"you're just like a dream!"
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are these people.


Eating popsicles on a warm spring day is WAY BETTER then anything else in the world.

We think!
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Being apart of a very good friend stepping into the "rest of her life!" was a Friday happening. 
I was honored to be apart of it, and be able to take a few pictures. 
Not many though, because "bridesmaid" holds some pretty important responsibilities and obligations. 
And, the DJ was really, really good =) 
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Breath taking!
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Our little "Tonka Bear" is changing by the second. Really!

She is coming into her own. Learning what she loves.. and what makes her boil.

Sister's spirit is free, and her hair is crazy! For real!
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Typically its her brother, but moments of serenity and peace have settled more and more in the "norm" instead of the "ab-norm!"

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Especially when there is a common interest.

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How often we take fragranted little moments that happen to remind us we're big, and important.
We are valid. We are what makes this world great. Everyone of us.
No matter what job you have.
Married or not.
Babies or no babies.

Old, young, yellow or brown.

We're here for a reason.

Its finding that reason!


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Whether you work from home, or you are a "9 to 5iver!"

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Balance. Finding it. Keeping priorities and priority.

Six years ago, I turned 22 years old.
Six years ago, I kissed my Mom for the very last time.

Six years later...

Six years later ...I'm turning 28 and I'm reminding myself that life is short.

But its good!

.. and its what you make of it. The good days. The bad days.

The really crazy ones.

They are yours.

Make each one great!

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This..
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This makes mine great!
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And I'm sure my Mom agrees!


... and I hope.. oh how I hope she is proud! And happy =) 
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